Stop showing me posts that are three days old. CHRONOLOGICAL NEWSFEED NOW PLZ.
Dear San Diego drivers,
Do you not understand the point of stop signs and red lights? Or crosswalks and pedestrian right-of-way?
I know you’re barely holding on. Just a little longer, please?
Dear Mrs. Hughes on Downton Abbey,
You rock. Keep on keepin’ on.
Dear obnoxiously loud neighbor,
Try turning your TV off for, like, an hour. I promise you’ll survive without it.
Dear wedding photos,
Pick yourselves for our album.
Dear mouse that may or may not be in my apartment,
If you’re still here, GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT.
Dear arch on my right foot,
Please don’t be seriously injured. You only ran 26.2 miles. Get over it. You’re fine!
Dear person holding the library’s only copy of The Desire Map hostage,
Be a decent person and return it. You’ve had that for two months now.
You’re wonderful. Don’t ever turn into Facebook.
Dear Rob Lowe,
Surely you can’t need the DirecTV money that badly. The first commercial was kinda clever, but we get it now. Just stop.
You seriously can’t hold more than 20 shows at once? Why do we pay $20 for you every month?