And then it was April.
I’ve gotta say: March was a little rough. I felt particularly bleh off and on throughout the month. I was tired and frustrated more days than not. Lately, almost every time I sit down to write, I feel zip inspiration and I get the words out, because it’s what I do, but it feels labored and forced. I think this partly (mostly) came from expecting and demanding more of myself and more often than not falling short.
I’ve always been a “perfectionist” and set impossibly high standards for myself and my work. I know this, and over the years I’ve worked to let myself be okay with “good enough” or “at least it’s done” or “the best I’m currently capable of” and I wondered over the past week or so if I was falling back into old habits of trying to accomplish things that just aren’t realistic. But I don’t think that’s it. I honestly believe that what I’m asking of myself isn’t “too much” to ask. It’s stuff I should be more than capable of, I’m just…not reaching it, for some reason. And not reaching it and not really knowing why I’m not has me in a sort of funk. So, I have all these goals and to-dos and tasks going on, but a large part of what I’m trying to “do” and figure out is the why behind said funk. Exploring ways I can get myself motivated/inspired,
Anyway. Let’s look at what happened/didn’t happen in March:
01 | keep on with the meditating
This one I rocked. I did this 30 day meditation challenge from DoYouYoga and liked it for the most part. The meditations were at most 10 minutes long, and incorporated a few different types of breathing techniques and some yoga or other movements from time to time. Honestly, the biggest gripe I had was that the sound wasn’t balanced well in most of the videos — I couldn’t hear the instructor’s voice over the music.
I also tried a couple guided meditations from Omvana which I’ll probably keep using on occasion. When I first downloaded it, I scrolled through looking for free meditations to add (gripe #1: can’t sort or filter free and paid meditations) and I think they really confuse “meditation” with “visualization” or “self-hypnosis.” Call me an asshole yogi, but my understanding from my yoga practice is that if you meditate with a specific goal or end-game in mind (like stop smoking or losing weight), you’re doing it wrong. Or you’re not actually meditating, you’re visualizing or using self-hypnosis techniques to change behavior. Which is cool! If that works for you, go for it! But I prefer meditating to just sit in silence and stillness, to just make a valiant effort at being truly present, with no other goals or plans or desires, for a few minutes.
So, luckily, I did find a handful of (free!) guided meditations in the app that are more about that.
02 | get my business blog up and running
Well, you can head over there and check to see how well I did on this one. (Spoiler alert: not good.)
03 | review and update old blog posts
Started to. Got a few of the very first ones done. Much more to do.
04 | keep up with the weightlifting/speedwork and add more yoga
I give myself at least half credit here. I wasn’t great about going to the gym but I managed at least once a week. I wasn’t great about yoga but I went to the studio at least once or twice a week and I think averaged a couple home practices each week. And I did a couple speedwork sessions, but my calf/shin/ankle started flaring up and I reluctantly eased off for a couple weeks.
05 | start a blog newsletter (!!!)
Nope. I started to get it set up in MailChimp but I haven’t fully followed through yet (this is partly because I’m half-convinced I’ll do all this work to get it set up and write these great newsletters and then no one will subscribe).
06 | pitch/query/apply for at least 15 new clients/jobs/projects
Nowhere near that many. I did get two of the ones I went for, at least. So there’s that.
07 | start sponsoring blogs, dammit
Also, have yet to get my act together on that one.
Annnnd my April goals are pretty much the same. Plus:
08 | Camp NaNoWriMo – 20,000 words
Camp NaNoWriMo is like NaNoWriMo lite — you pick your word count goal. A girl at a writing meet-up group I sometimes attend told me about it, and I was like “Well, I don’t have enough going on right now.” I’m going for 20,000 words, which will NOT give me a finished novel, but I had an idea and started playing with it and want to get a significant chunk drafted (before I start a big, massive, crazy, huge fiction project in June).
09 | 100 Days Project
I read about this last Friday and was like “Yes! I’m totally doing this!” annnnd totally forgot about it all weekend and have no idea what I’m actually going to do to participate. The easiest thing would obviously be to write, say, one page of a story or something writing-related, but I do so damn much of that (and more to come) and I think I need to branch out and try something different/new. But still something doable (I’m not ambitious/stupid enough to think I can, like, knit a hat or cook a new recipe every single day). Hopefully I think of something by the end of the day and you can follow along with me (and thousands of others) on Instagram.
And! BASEBALL IS STARTING. Madison Bumgarner’s first pitch of the 2015 season will be sometime around 7:30 tonight, depending on when the game actually starts and how the top half of the 1st goes. I AM EXCITED. And and! I had so much fun on the Around the Horn link up last month that Kasey and I are planning a new season-long baseball link up! DETAILS TO COME YAYYYYY.
(linking up with Melyssa for Weekly Wishes today!)