You know that section of Glamour magazine where they list a bunch of random things women “should” do or are “supposed” to like or whatever, and they’re saying it’s okay if you don’t do or like those things? Does Glamour even still have that section? I don’t think I’ve read it since college. Was it another magazine altogether?
Anyway, a little awhile ago, I was reading this blog that had a “guest post” written by the blogger’s boyfriend. He shared a story about a recent event where he woke up early on Saturday morning and decided to go get donuts. His girlfriend, the blogger, doesn’t really like donuts that much, but you know, apparently they’re huge on Instagram and one of those “guaranteed to get likes photos,” but only if they’re the right kind of aesthetically pleasing donut. (I think this means one with pink frosting and rainbow sprinkles, because can you even be a blogger if you don’t like pink and rainbows?) So, being the thoughtful (Instagram) boyfriend he is, he decided he’d get a donut just for her to photograph, because he doesn’t like sprinkle donuts that much and, as we’ve learned, she doesn’t like them at all.
Only the first place he walked to didn’t have any donuts that he felt would be up to her Instagram standards…so he left and walked, like another half mile down the road to the next donut shop that, luckily, had Instagram-worthy sprinkle donuts. Which he bought. For his girlfriend who doesn’t like donuts, but would insist on taking pictures of them anyway and posting them on Instagram because that’s what bloggers would and she would be upset if he went and got donuts and didn’t get one for her to photograph.
Can we please take a moment to realize how fucking ridiculous this all is? Like, do whatever you want, but I cannot understand any part of this sequence of events. If you don’t like donuts in the first place, why do you want to Instagram them so badly? There are literally a thousand other pastries that are popular on Instagram you can share instead. That won’t involve making your boyfriend waste money and time visiting two donut shops to buy you food you won’t eat.
Or, if you don’t like sweets at all (you weirdo), then share pictures of wine. Or craft beer. Or dogs. Or beautiful, bendy people doing yoga poses. Or beach landscapes. Or fried food with cheese. Or flowers. Or anything you actually love in real life, not something that so-and-so popular blogger said is “guaranteed to get you hundreds of likes!”
So, please consider this a blogger’s edition of that Glamour column, freeing you to just blog the way you want, about the things you like, instead of pretending to OMG LOVE HEART-EYED EMOJI the same things as every other lifestyle blogger.
Hey, it’s okay if…
–you don’t like any or all of the following: donuts, brunch, macarons, coffee, blanket scarves, fall, boots, wine, green smoothies, yoga, plaid, chevron, or The Bachelor/ette.
–you don’t really care to monetize your blog or buy ad space or sell ad space or SEO any of your posts.
–all your photos are dark, blurry iPhone pics instead of perfectly lit, staged shots with a fancy DSLR.
–you see a cool brick wall and just walk right by it, instead of making your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/friends/family stop to take a thousand photos of you trying to perfect your fashion blogger pose. If you think it’s dumb and you feel stupid doing it…don’t do it.
–you’re not in love with Anthropologie.
–you don’t bother making your images pinnable.
–you don’t take selfies.
–you hated Girl on the Train.
–you’re not a minimalist and don’t have a capsule wardrobe.
–you still use the original Instagram filters.
–you’re not into paper planners.
–you don’t drop hundreds of dollars on crap from Target or Forever 21 every week.
–you don’t share weekly wedding planning or pregnancy updates.
–you’re not into Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or Snapchat or Periscope. You can pick which networks you actually like and want to use and just use those. Really. (Of course, then you’ll have to find other things to blog about instead of post after post complaining about Instagram.)
–you don’t own any clothing or wall art or mugs saying “but first, coffee…” (Actually, can I get one that says “but first, I have to walk my dog”?) or “hustle” or “girlboss” or “boss bitch.”
What blogger trends or cliches have I missed?