Sometimes, You Just Gotta Be Outragedfeatured

When I was in junior high and my dad drove me to school, we listened to the local sports talk radio. A couple times a week, they had a regular guest who’d call in for 15-20 minute segment to basically shoot the shit about whatever was going on in the sports world.

I distinctly remember one particular segment where the guy went on a rant about something. He concluded with “Sometimes, you just gotta be outraged.”

I’m doing that today. Due to a lot of factors, both external (annoying neighbors) and internal (lady hormones), it’s been a frustrating week and I feel like ranting.

To be clear, though, I’m not actually outraged by any of these things. If I were to write about the things that truly outrage me, this post would be part political rant and part despairing wail about the many atrocities and injustices and tragedies in the world.

No, today we’re going to keep this light. We’re gonna keep this petty. We’re going to keep this self-absorbed.

Let’s go.


Lord. Where to start with this bunch? There’s the guy in the building next door, beyond my patio, who apparently has a small child in his care. He entertains it by yelling “POW POW POW” and making weird Tarzan yells every. freaking. day. There’s the girl, also in that building, with THE MOST OBNOXIOUS LAUGH THAT ANYONE HAS EVER HAD IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY. There’s the guy who smokes pot right into some kind of jet stream that carries the smell directly to my apartment. There’s the guy who watches action movies at TOP VOLUME in the middle of the day when I’m working.

All of this can be “solved,” sort of, reluctantly, by closing the patio door.


A couple weeks ago, we got new neighbors right next door. They recently installed their TV on the wall we share. It’s located directly opposite my desk. Like, when I’m working, if I could see through the wall, I’d be staring at the back of their TV.

They watch TV all. damn. day. It’s not loud; if I went anywhere else in the apartment I probably wouldn’t hear anything. But it’s three freaking feet from where I work and I can’t really work anywhere else in our one-bedroom apartment, generously sized as it is. I could sit at the couch and work at the coffee table, but I’m just not as productive if I sit there.

And all you office dwellers probably think one of the perks of working from home is not having to deal with annoying co-workers! Hah. Hah. Hah.

I wouldn’t trade my home office for a regular office, ever, but is it really too much to ask to have ONE HOUR of peace and quiet during the day?

Things that drive me crazy when running, part one

People who run with speakers or play music so loud through their headphones that I can hear it from 10 feet away.

For the latter, have fun losing your hearing in five years. For the former—seriously, who the hell do you think appointed you DJ of the sidewalk? Your music sucks and I shouldn’t have to be forced to listen to it just because we happen to be running in the same vicinity at the same time. I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t listen to music or anything when running (except on treadmills, then I usually listen to comedy podcasts). I actually prefer just having my thoughts running through my head. Stop distracting me from that, you selfish turd with shitty music.

Seriously, the other day I saw a guy running with this speaker nearly the size of a shoebox on a cross-body strap. There’s no way that thing was comfortable or easy to run with, and just why? Why do you think it’s appropriate to inflict your music on me?

Things that drive me crazy when running, part two

Drivers making right turns.

PSA: WHEN YOU TURN RIGHT, ACTUALLY LOOK RIGHT BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE. At least once, every single time I run on the roads, I almost get hit or have to duck behind a car that’s making a right turn because the driver literally never sees me. Think about it. When you turn right, you’re pretty much only looking to the left, at the traffic you’re merging into. Please, for the love of God, check for pedestrians from the other direction before pulling out too far or making your turn.

This is one of the many reasons why trails are infinitely better.

When my computer/wi-fi slows waaaaaaayyyy down at approximately 3:30 every day

Just. Why. I mean, come on. I’m still working here. Nothing is more infuriating than a task that should take 20 minutes taking 40 minutes or more because Gmail won’t freaking loud.

(Also, I swear more often than not it’s specifically Gmail and G-suite sites that are slow as hell. If I close those tabs, I can load other websites or work in other programs fine. I’m using Chrome and everything. Get your shit together, Google.)

Things that drive me crazy when running, part three

Pedestrians who refuse to get out of the way to let me run past them.

I just don’t get this. I am moving faster than you, get out of my way. Pay attention to where you are and your surroundings. I am not trying to be quiet when I run; when I’m coming up behind people I usually even stomp my feet a little to give them more warning. And most of the time, I still need to jump into the gutter to get by them. And they jump and act so surprised. PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

Then there are people walking the other direction, who actually see me, and refuse to step to the side. Those people are just assholes.

So basically, I need a soundproof office and should only ever run on trails that are closed to everybody else.